Selfish vs Self-Full: Set Yourself Free!!
So many of us get stuck or confused with the word selfish. Merriam Webster defines the word selfish as, ‘taking care of oneself without thought for others.’
Hence, the word selfish is typically used as an insult toward another or, an insult toward ourselves.
If you were like me as a kid, adults used the word selfish to shame us into specific behavior. Perhaps shame is a strong word in this example. Perhaps the adults were truly trying to teach us to think of others and how to ‘play well in the sandbox.’
The point was to teach us kids not to be so focused on our selves, but rather focus outwardly on others. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of playing and working well with others and am an advocate for setting and respecting personal boundaries.
But, when it comes to giving ourselves ‘me time,’ many people confuse the act of self-care as being synonymous with the word selfish.
You see, when we took the adults’ words to heart, not always were those words empowering to us. For some, the messaging became twisted and taking time to care for ourselves felt like an act of selfishness. Let’s see how twisting the act of self-care with the word selfish plays out.
We’re busy, right? Life is jam-packed with work, family stuff, and a million other responsibilities. So, carving out time for ourselves can make us feel unworthy, stingy or critical of our needs because our inner belief system tells us we’re being selfish. But here’s the thing: self-care is not being selfish; it’s actually a necessity.
I encounter many people who find it difficult to carve out personal time for self-care. Again and again the power of the word selfish shows up as having been embedded into our minds and psyches as a negative trait and dang-it, if that limiting belief isn’t one of the hardest to overcome.
A Double-Edged Sword.
We desperately need time to think, rest, contemplate, sleep, etc. But the moment we make plans for this, up creeps that negative belief that carving out personal time is an act of selfishness. Thus begins a cycle of self sabotage; we know we need self-care, but our feelings tell us that we’re being selfish, so we put off our own needs.
Yet the truth is that when we neglect ourselves for too long, everything suffers. Our energy, our mood, our relationships, our ability to handle stress — it all takes a hit.
If this sounds familiar to you, perhaps you took the lessons from the word selfish a little too far. Because that word resonates as a negative from deep within our belief system, it also extends to our body by how we ‘feel’ about that word. Hence the guilty feelings that come up for so many of us when thinking of or planning time for ‘self-care.’
Being aware of the power that the word selfish has over us, is the first step in being able to ‘reframe’ this negative belief into a positive belief. Once we are aware of a negative or self sabotaging belief, we can work toward reframing that belief.
In this case, working to reframe the word selfish into something that empowers us, rather than disempowering us. I like to use the words ‘self full’ when reframing the word selfish. I coach people to become self aware of when and how they use the word selfish. Whenever you catch yourself feeling guilty about taking ‘me time’ gently change that thought to reflect the words self full, instead of selfish.
Notice how reframing the negative word into a positive word affects your body. Allow yourself to feel the difference in how the words self full resonate within your body, versus the word selfish. Changing a belief takes time, patience and practice, so while working to reframe a negative into a positive, I encourage you to incorporate a ‘micro self-care’ perspective.
What is Micro Self-Care?
Micro self-care is taking small steps toward a larger goal. Introducing self-care into a daily routine can be as simple as taking a five-minute meditation break, enjoying a quiet cup of tea alone, taking a walk around the block or taking a few minutes to stretch your body. For me it’s pulling a card and spending time in contemplation.
These small moments of “me time” add up cumulatively and can help reset your mental state, boost your energy level, help keep you fit, alleviate stress and promote happiness. Self-care is a necessity for maintaining a positive mind-set and balanced life.
And here’s the magic of incorporating a daily micro self-care practice: over time, these tiny moments of self-kindness build up and create a foundation of strength, resilience, and confidence that enables you to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease.
If you’re feeling guilty or hesitant about taking time for yourself, think about this; by prioritizing your own needs, you’re actually becoming a better friend, partner, parent — whatever role you play in life. You’re also setting an example for others, not only of self-care, but self-love, shining an energetic light that says ‘being self full is an act of personal kindness and self love.’
When it comes time for self-care, set yourself free from the word selfish by embracing the power of ‘me time’ as being Self-Full.
You, my beautiful Friend, are worthy of self-care and self-love!
Ready to reframe your thinking to give yourself permission for ‘You time?’
Book a 1:1 Tarot reading or Coaching session with me and let’s explore how reframing your thoughts around self care can set you free— https://calendly.com/kayeashbridge/